Writing about love is a lot easier said than done. When Annelise, the new owner of Sacred Thread, asked me to write a blog post about Love for the studio’s theme of the month, I think I responded by saying, “no problem.” Really? No problem writing about love? I thought… I brainstormed… I pulled out my favorite authors to read their quotes on love… but, in the end I kept coming back to something much more personal. Sharing a personal journey of love feels terrifying, but also completely right because what is love if not a personal story? I can’t tell you what to feel or how to experience, but I can tell you how I feel and how I experience.
Six months ago, I was pregnant. Unplanned and unexpected but pregnant. Shocked and scared but also, even more shockingly, immediately in love with this little baby. It didn’t even take 24 hours, I don’t know if it took 24 minutes. I was just in love. And, then I miscarried. Unexpected, shocked and scared all over again. And, this time, heartbroken. And lonely.
It took me months to feel even close to whole again. But somehow, in the devastating chaos of that time, I discovered that this heartbreak was also showing me my ability to love. And it had grown exponentially through this process. It brought me closer to my husband as I learned to ask for the support that I needed. I love other women so much more now. Those that have lost a baby, or had a baby or don’t want a baby. I feel their experiences just as I felt my own and I love them for it. Most crucially, I somehow discovered that I already love myself in all the ways I’ve always tried and failed – experiencing my body, my feelings and my thoughts with so much less judgement.
So my understanding of love comes from loss. It is a practice in full on truth-telling, in asking for the support you need, in acceptance of the ugliest bits of you, and complete and utter vulnerability. It is the experience you didn’t know you were scared to have and then the bizarre realization that the silver lining was totally worth that god-awful experience.
In this month of “love” being everywhere – forget the chocolates and flowers and romance. Instead spend sometime with yourself being truthful. Your greatest experience of love won’t come from someone else. It comes from your ability to be with yourself just as you are.
Turn down the lights and turn on some music. Rub oils all over your gorgeous body. Eat something that makes you feel good. Grab a pen and paper and write down exactly how you feel. Without justification or explanation. Love yourself. All those thoughts and emotions and rolls. So many incredible, magical things had to happen for you to be where you are today, and that is worthy of a love that never ends.
#THOUGHTSONLOVE #LOVEINOUROWNWORDS #SACREDTHREADYOGA