You know why there are so many articles and books out there about being a working mom or work/life balance? Because the struggle is so real. so. unbelievably. real.
I was delighted to be asked to offer a workshop at Wigwam Fest this year. Last year, it was one of my favorite yoga events so, of course, I was happy to be involved again. I put a lot of energy into developing my class on Metta or the practice of Lovingkindness. Re-reading some of my favorite texts, pulling quotes, designed a yoga practice… I lined up my babysitters. Requested the hubs come home early on Friday for the full moon kick-off party.
Because of course it would happen like that. Why was I surprised when he woke up with a fever Friday morning? The doc said virus; nothing to do but cuddle my upset babe and be patient. But what about the festival? Was I the mom who called out the day before an event and said sorry I can’t be there? Or was I the mom who left her sick child to go teach at a festival? Can you hear the distaste in both of those sentences? I hated both options. I didn’t want to leave Ace. I didn’t want to disappoint the festival-goers who signed up for my class or the festival organizers who invited me to participate. I DIDN’T WANT TO.
So, I worried. I called my mom. I called my mommy-friends. I cried to my hubby. And, then I remembered… this is why we practice non-attachment. This is why we keep practicing letting go. Because I couldn’t control this moment. And no amount of brow-beating, worrying or complaining would change the situation or my options. So I softened, a little… I took a breath.
I called the festival peeps and, with an apology, explained the situation and asked for help. We called around looking for a substitute teacher for my
workshop. Meanwhile, I sat, cuddled Asa, and breathed. I saw that he was fine, just uncomfortable. I knew that my parents were planning to come babysit him anyways. It was ok.
There wasn’t a sub available. Ok. I decided to teach my workshop and when I listened, that decision FELT good. It felt right. I would be gone for about 3 hours total. Asa might be bummed his mom wasn’t there but he’d have Mimi & Pop-pop to cuddle him. Ok.
Saturday arrived and so did my parents. They took Asa for walk while I left the house. I connected with with friends, taught my workshop in a gorgeous space on a gorgeous day, and got home to a content, on-the-mend baby. The meltdown didn’t change anything. The worrying didn’t either. All I could do was let go and be in this moment of my life. And, unsurprisingly, it was ok. In fact, it was kinda lovely.
Lesson learned. Again.