Setting Boundaries {part 2}
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No.
I have a problem with that.
I don’t want to.
I’ve decided not to.
I feel uncomfortable about….
All of these are phrases we can use to set a boundary, and depending on how you were raised, your conditioning, gender expectations, etc., they can be incredibly hard to say.
I understand that I can say, “no.” as a full sentence, but I also feel a way about saying no without an explanation or an excuse tied to it…
This is where the meditative skill of non-judgment comes into play.
Within meditation, non-judgment is the idea that whatever comes up within practice - thoughts, feelings, distractions - we simply allow it to be part of our present-moment experience without assigning a good/bad, like/dislike label to it.
Within boundary-setting, this same skill is the ability to separate the threads between ‘this is the boundary I need to set’ and ‘this is how I feel about setting the boundary.’ Without the skill to separate these threads, it is very easy to get lost in the emotional tangle of - I want to say no but I also want to be liked/loved/approved of/kind/etc… - and that contradiction often makes boundary setting feel difficult or even impossible for some of us.
When we start to build our skill of non-judgment, we are in essence teasing apart the threads of our thoughts into the thought itself, and the way that we feel about that thought. Non-judgment allows us to cultivate discernment, choosing which threads to pursue and which to relinquish as real and not-true.
Join me for today’s episode of The Mindful Minute as we explore the tenet of non-judgment and put it to use in our 20-minute guided meditation practice.
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