“It is only when you go too far that you discover the boundary.”

This was the insight from a recent conversation I had with my partner in Shoreline meditation app, Gordon Hempton. He was applying this thought to recording sounds, and I believe it equally applies to our life experiences.

What if we shifted our internal narrative from one of shaming to one of appreciation for the times we misstep, overstep or go too far past our own boundaries?

Today’s episode of The Mindful Minute is the final installment of the Boundary Setting series. We’ve talked about the importance of presence, of non-judgment, and now, of compassion when it comes to both our meditation practice and our boundary setting.

Join me for today’s discussion and 20-minute guided meditation in this final exploration of boundaries.

Within meditation, non-judgment is the idea that whatever comes up within practice - thoughts, feelings, distractions - we simply allow it to be part of our present-moment experience without assigning a good/bad, like/dislike label to it.

Within boundary-setting, this same skill is the ability to separate the threads between ‘this is the boundary I need to set’ and ‘this is how I feel about setting the boundary.’ Without the skill to separate these threads, it is very easy to get lost in the emotional tangle of - I want to say no but I also want to be liked/loved/approved of/kind/etc… - and that contradiction often makes boundary setting feel difficult or even impossible for some of us.

Today’s mini meditation practice puts into practice the skill of non-judgment, so that ultimately, you too are able to say “no.” as a full sentence without any sort of emotional tangle surrounding it.

Within meditation, non-judgment is the idea that whatever comes up within practice - thoughts, feelings, distractions - we simply allow it to be part of our present-moment experience without assigning a good/bad, like/dislike label to it.

Within boundary-setting, this same skill is the ability to separate the threads between ‘this is the boundary I need to set’ and ‘this is how I feel about setting the boundary.’ Without the skill to separate these threads, it is very easy to get lost in the emotional tangle of - I want to say no but I also want to be liked/loved/approved of/kind/etc… - and that contradiction often makes boundary setting feel difficult or even impossible for some of us.

When we start to build our skill of non-judgment, we are in essence teasing apart the threads of our thoughts into the thought itself, and the way that we feel about that thought. Non-judgment allows us to cultivate discernment, choosing which threads to pursue and which to relinquish as real and not-true.

Join me for today’s episode of The Mindful Minute as we explore the tenet of non-judgment and put it to use in our 20-minute guided meditation practice.

Today’s meditation practice is a practice in awakening to the physical boundaries of your body and the energetic boundaries of your being. This might sound so obvious or simple, but as we talk about often in meditation, many of us live slightly removed from our bodies. We aren’t conscious of our feelings or our embodied experience. 

This is why the first step of meditation is to get into the present moment, and to get into the body. This first step allows us to become embodied and conscious of our feelings and our boundaries.

So, we find our physical edges.

As we meditate, we use this first step of presence as a tool to find, feel, and fill out both our physical and energetic body boundaries.

Join me for this meditation exploration.

In so many of my dharma talks and conversations lately, boundaries have come up. Boundaries showed up in our meditation series on Passion & Paychecks with Tiffany Johnson. Boundaries showed up in our discussions on worry and on fierce self-compassion. Boundaries also show up for me perpetually in relationships, and are something I spend a good bit of time thinking about and working on.

Join me for today’s talk and guided meditation practice as a first step in clarifying and working with your own personal boundaries.

There are 3 guiding principles I incorporate into my meditation practice to help guide me in the ongoing balance of making tender choices and tough choices to best support my ultimate intentions:

Listening: "To listen is to continually give up all expectations and to give our attention, completely and freshly, to what is before us, not really knowing what we will hear or what that will mean. In the practice of our days, to listen is to lean in, softly, with a willingness to be changed by what we hear." {from Mark Nepo}⁠

Courage: In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart."  {from Brene Brown}⁠

FIERCE Compassion: What is the action that moves me in the direction of my ultimate intention? {from Dr. Kristen Neff}

Join me for today’s meditation.

It is way too easy to tell ourselves we just have to meet the deadline, get through the holiday, finish the cleaning and THEN we will practice. I have several years of experience to tell you that you almost never actually get around to practicing… I wasted years doing this dance.

When is choosing to take a break the compassionate choice and when is choosing to push through the struggle the better choice?

Join me for today’s discussion and guided meditation as we learn how to balance listening, courage and action within our meditation practice.